i really should be sleeping... but santa has already come.

my. christmas has come and gone with one fell swoop, it seems. 

how incredibly sad it was this year... a time usually filled with celebration and happiness.

perhaps that is why i find myself awake at 1:30 in the morning. 

it was the first ufkin christmas without grandma ufkin. most of us were okay, even mirthful as the evening went on... but the beginning was hard. with hardly two feet in the door, grandpa couldn't even say "merry christmas" without a shaky voice backed by tears. which spurred more tears. and more tears. it's hard for me to even look at him... a shell of the man he once was, slowly wasting away without her. it absolutely breaks my heart. maybe i'm just being overly emotional, but it's so hard. i've always heard that the holidays are some of the bitterest times of the year... but i've never felt that until now. thankfully, as the evening went on i think everyone forgot the need to be sad, and cale and ellie, my 3-year-old second cousins, definitely lifted our spirits with their antics, laughter, and snuggles. 

the exchanging of gifts was also depressing, to be frank. usually we gather in a big circle around the tree, and as one or two gifts are presented we all watch happily. this year, it was done in clusters, people scattered here and there, everyone opening gifts at the same time. or should i say envelopes... cale and ellie were the only ones to have actual presents. the rest of us got cold, hard cash. which i'm very grateful for, especially in this economy, but i would've much preferred a book picked our especially for me. a new scarf. a fun dvd or board game. i guess i'm not a kid anymore. 

with all this said.... i don't mean to sound like a broken, bitter gal in need of a visit from the ghosts of christmas past. i love my family terribly. i just wish we weren't in so much pain.

home, sugar-cookie sweet home

yet another successful semester under the belt (i'm not even going to think about the fact that i only have 3 more left before i have to join the jobless, economically distraught real world...) ahem. hooray it's christmas break and i'm home!

unfortunately, i still have some homework to finish up. a lot, actually. to make a long story short, about two weeks ago my car had a little spill on the ice... aptly retold by sharon. for the past week and a half dora (my lovely ford explorer) has been sitting in a collision shop in manteno, my drawing seminar projects held hostage in the back seat. 6 drawings total, in various stages (by  the way, nappy headed is apparently a racial slur... didn't know! the series is now renamed "tangled folk".)

thankfully prof thomas was very understanding and gave me an extension over break. the 6 finished pieces are due january 10th, right before i go back to school. he's given me plenty of time to complete everything... pre-new year's resolution: no procrastinating on this. 

with that said, so far i've done absolutely nothing drawing related. yesterday i woke up at 10, hung out with my cat on the couch, helped my mom decorate 75 sugar cookies for her kids at school, and put up the christmas tree. today i unpacked some stuff and watched an E! special on the downfall of lindsay lohan. that's about it. 

however, i did think of a possible theme for my senior show... inspired by anthropologie's holiday catalogue. absolutely beautiful.... their creative team can do no wrong. i like the wire/linear shape idea... it would translate very nicely into a graphic series of illustrations. more on that later. in the works. 

to end this post on a side note... moments like this make me so glad for photobooth:

if you can't tell... midnight just crawled up onto my bed and made himself comfortable on my derriere. even if you're not a cat person... so cute.

mint and pine

holly jolly,
all is calm all is bright.
do you hear what i hear?
snowflakes that melt on your nose and eyelashes.

i'm so ready for christmas break.

today in advanced drawing seminar, i snapped.
we had a surprise progress critique and for some reason as i was explaining that i unknowingly purchased 5 sheets of the wrong paper to finish up my drawings, i felt pinpricks at the back of my eyeballs. i tried to hide it but the floodgates opened. a sob escaped. i don't know where it came from but as hard as i tried i could not stop the onslaught of tears and had to excuse myself. gosh. and wow so awkward.

maybe it had to do with the fact that i had stayed in the studio until 4 am working on a stupid drawing which everyone loved but made no difference to me. or that the due date for our final was pushed up a week to next wednesday. or maybe because i have 38 pieces to glaze for ceramics by monday. and a video to edit for a lit presentation tuesday. or maybe it's because i just want to be done with this so-called education, get a real design job, and marry my best friend who is also the man of my dreams. just maybe.

fortunately i just finished my final paper/presentation for ceramics... one less thing to worry about. did you know the navajo indians poured hot liquid pine sap on their pottery for a dark brown, pine-scented resin finish? it's true.